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  1. "Should I Separate or Divorce?"

    You've heard about divorce and how devastating it can be, not only to the husband and wife but to their children as well.

    It makes one wonder whether a long-term or permanent separation is a viable alternative to divorce for you.

    Or at least for now.

    Here are my thoughts.

    Although I have not seen much of this in my 36 years as a Monmouth County NJ Divorce Lawyer, many years ago I knew a couple who handled their marital problems by separating, but not divorcing, in what appeared to be a most successful manner.

    Over 36 years ago, I worked for "David" at a children’s summer camp in that he owned.  Chris also worked at the same camp, as the arts and crafts counselor.

    David and Chris had two children, both of whom were campers when I was there, and thereafter I heard that both children ultimately worked at the camp as counselors.

    David and Chris, like so many other people in the 1970's, reached the conclusion that they were not very good at living together, for whatever reasons.

    They separated.

    However, they both realized that they still excelled at being friends and parents.

    They never divorced.

    What is so amazing to me as an experienced divorce lawyer, is how they made it work.

    David smiled as he walked the campgrounds daily, overseeing everything from the swimming program, to safely unloading dozens of school buses, to successfully handling staff morale issues, and everything in between.

    Smiling and being kind at all times, Chris oversaw a full schedule of arts and crafts, pottery making, and the like.

    When they were together, they talked and joked as good friends often do.

    Of course, I do not know if they fought about child support or parenting time or distribution of property or the dozens of other issues that separated couples fight over.

    From what I could tell, though, they did not; they appeared to just work things out among themselves.

    I always wanted to ask them, over these past 36 years since I stopped working at their camp, how they made it work.

    What happened when David bought a new car and Chris wanted one but perhaps couldn’t afford it?

    Did she ask David for “a raise?”

    Did David simply buy her a new car without her even asking for it?

    Did Chris have to threaten to take David to court in order for him to give her more money?

    If so, how did they continue working together for all those years, smiling and seeming to be best friends?

    I will never know how they made it work. Several years ago, both David and Chris died.

    They were both 50-something.

    I heard that Chris died first. 

    Her obituary listed David as her husband, as if they had never separated.

    I was told that about five weeks later, David died.

    For me, as a divorce lawyer who has spent 36 years working on everything from simple uncontested divorces to the most complex child custody cases, the story of David and Chris is remarkable.

    That a man and a woman can have children and separate, and then continue to function at such a high level for so many decades after separating, is most reassuring.

    Does this story seem attractive to you?

    Might you want to separate from your spouse but not seek a divorce?

    Or are you seeking the finality that only a divorce can bring, and the opportunity to perhaps start anew with another spouse?

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    Topics: Divorce, Marriage Counseling, Separation

  2. Voiding An Unfair Prenup in NJ

    Prenuptial agreements, commonly referred to as prenups, are becoming increasingly popular among couples in New Jersey.

    These legal documents outline the rights and responsibilities of each spouse in the event of a divorce, providing a clear framework for asset division and other important matters.

    However, it's crucial to understand that while prenups are generally enforceable in New Jersey, they must meet certain criteria to be upheld by a court.

    In New Jersey, prenuptial agreements are governed by the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act (UPAA), which outlines the requirements for their validity and enforceability.

    One of the key principles underlying the enforcement of prenups in the state is the concept of reasonableness.

    In other words, a prenuptial agreement will only be enforced by a court if it is deemed reasonable both at the time it was signed and at the time enforcement is sought.

    What constitutes a reasonable prenuptial agreement?

    While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, there are several factors that courts will consider when evaluating the enforceability of a prenup:

    1. Full Disclosure: Both parties must provide full and accurate disclosure of their assets, liabilities, income, and any other relevant financial information.

      Failure to disclose assets or debts could render the agreement unenforceable.

    2. Voluntary Consent: Each party must enter into the prenuptial agreement voluntarily and without coercion or duress.

      It's essential that both individuals have the opportunity to review the terms of the agreement and consult with their own legal counsel before signing.

    3. Fair and Equitable: The terms of the prenup must be fair and equitable to both parties.

      While it's common for prenups to address issues such as asset division, spousal support, and inheritance rights, the terms cannot be so one-sided as to leave one spouse in a significantly disadvantaged position.

    4. No Unconscionable Provisions: A prenuptial agreement cannot contain provisions that are unconscionable or against public policy.

      For example, a provision that waives a spouse's right to alimony altogether may be deemed unconscionable if it leaves the dependent spouse without any means of financial support.

    5. Reviewable Circumstances: Courts will also consider the circumstances surrounding the execution of the prenup, including the timing of its signing, the presence of legal counsel, and any changes in circumstances that may have occurred since the agreement was executed.

    It's important to note that even if a prenuptial agreement meets all of the above criteria, there is still no guarantee that it will be enforced by a court.

    Ultimately, the decision to enforce a prenup is at the discretion of the judge, who will consider the specific facts and circumstances of each case.

    In conclusion, while prenuptial agreements can be a valuable tool for couples looking to protect their assets and clarify their rights in the event of a divorce, it's essential to understand that these agreements must meet certain criteria to be enforceable in New Jersey.

    By working with a knowledgeable attorney and ensuring that the agreement is fair and reasonable, couples can increase the likelihood that their prenup will be upheld by a court if challenged in the future.

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  3. Estimating Alimony in NJ

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  4. Navigating Child Custody in New Jersey: A Basic Guide

    Are you facing the challenging process of seeking custody of a child in New Jersey?

    Understanding the basics can help alleviate some of the stress and uncertainty that often accompanies such situations.

    Here's a broad overview of the custody process in the Garden State:

    1. Understanding Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody:

      • Legal Custody: This pertains to the authority to make major decisions about the child's upbringing, including matters related to education, healthcare, and religion. Legal custody can be joint (shared by both parents) or sole (granted to one parent).
      • Physical Custody: This refers to where the child resides on a day-to-day basis. Like legal custody, physical custody can also be joint or sole.
    2. Types of Custody Arrangements:

      • Joint Custody: Both parents share legal and/or physical custody of the child. This could mean equal time with each parent or a more uneven split depending on the circumstances.
      • Sole Custody: One parent is granted exclusive legal and/or physical custody of the child. The non-custodial parent may still have visitation rights.
    3. Filing for Custody:

      • To initiate the custody process, a parent typically files a custody petition with the family court in the county where the child resides.
      • In some cases, custody may be addressed as part of a divorce proceeding, while in others, it may be pursued independently.
    4. Factors Considered in Custody Determinations:

      • New Jersey family courts prioritize the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements.
      • Factors such as the child's relationship with each parent, each parent's ability to provide a stable environment, the child's preferences (if they're old enough to express them), and any history of domestic violence or substance abuse may be taken into account.
    5. Mediation and Custody Agreements:

      • Before going to court, parents may be required or encouraged to attend mediation to attempt to reach a mutually acceptable custody agreement.
      • If an agreement is reached, it will be submitted to the court for approval, making it legally enforceable.
    6. Court Hearings and Custody Orders:

      • If mediation is unsuccessful or not required, the custody dispute may proceed to a court hearing.
      • During the hearing, both parents will have the opportunity to present evidence and testimony supporting their desired custody arrangement.
      • The judge will then issue a custody order outlining the terms of legal and physical custody.
    7. Modification of Custody Orders:

      • Custody orders are not necessarily permanent and can be modified if there's a significant change in circumstances that warrants it.
      • Common reasons for seeking a modification include a parent's relocation, changes in the child's needs, or concerns about the child's safety.

    Navigating child custody matters can be emotionally challenging, but with the right knowledge and guidance, you can advocate effectively for your child's best interests.

    Consulting with an experienced family law attorney in New Jersey can provide invaluable support throughout the process.

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  5. Understanding Abuse and Divorce in NJ

    Divorce is often portrayed as a painful, but necessary, process to move on from a failing marriage.

    However, for many individuals in New Jersey, divorce isn't just about ending a relationship – it's about escaping abuse.

    Abuse within a marriage can take many forms – physical, emotional, verbal, financial, or sexual – and it's essential to understand the rights of victims, particularly their right to be left alone, as they navigate the complexities of divorce.

    In New Jersey, victims of abuse have legal protections and resources available to help them break free from their abusers and rebuild their lives.

    One of the fundamental rights of victims is the right to be left alone, free from harassment, intimidation, and further abuse from their spouse.

    This right is enshrined in both state and federal laws, including New Jersey's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act.

    Under this act, victims of domestic violence can obtain a restraining order against their abuser, which prohibits the abuser from contacting or coming near the victim.

    A restraining order provides crucial legal protection for victims, allowing them to establish boundaries and ensure their safety during and after the divorce process.

    When seeking a divorce from an abusive spouse in New Jersey, victims can also request temporary custody of their children and exclusive possession of the marital home to further ensure their safety and well-being.

    Additionally, victims may be entitled to financial support, including spousal support and child support, to help them establish independence and rebuild their lives post-divorce.

    It's important for victims of abuse to remember that they are not alone.

    There are numerous organizations and support services available in New Jersey to assist victims in navigating the divorce process and accessing the resources they need to move forward.

    These organizations can provide legal assistance, counseling, shelter, and other essential services to help victims rebuild their lives free from abuse.

    In addition to seeking legal protections and support services, victims of abuse must prioritize their own safety and well-being throughout the divorce process.

    This may involve developing a safety plan, seeking counseling or therapy, and surrounding themselves with a strong support network of friends, family, and professionals who can offer assistance and guidance.

    Furthermore, victims should document instances of abuse, including keeping records of threatening messages, injuries, and any other evidence that may support their case in court.

    By documenting the abuse, victims can strengthen their legal position and increase the likelihood of obtaining a favorable outcome in their divorce proceedings.

    Ultimately, the most important thing for victims of abuse to remember is that they have rights and options available to them.

    No one deserves to live in fear or endure abuse, and divorce can provide a path to safety, freedom, and a better future.

    By seeking legal assistance, accessing support services, and prioritizing their own well-being, victims of abuse can take control of their lives and begin the healing process.

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  6. Emotional Abuse in NJ Divorce Cases

    Divorce can be an emotionally challenging process under any circumstances, but when emotional abuse is involved, the situation becomes even more complex.

    Emotional abuse, or psychological abuse, can have profound and lasting effects on individuals and families.

    Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse in divorce proceedings is crucial for ensuring your well-being.

    What is Emotional Abuse?

    Emotional abuse is a form of manipulation and control that undermines an individual's sense of self-worth and autonomy.

    Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible marks, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed by outsiders, making it difficult to detect and address.

    However, its impact can be just as devastating, if not more so, than physical abuse.

    Examples of emotional abuse include:

    1. Verbal insults and degradation
    2. Constant criticism and belittling
    3. Gaslighting and manipulation
    4. Isolation from friends and family
    5. Threats and intimidation

    Emotional abuse can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender, age, or socioeconomic status.

    In the context of divorce, emotional abuse can be used as a tool to exert control over the other spouse and gain an advantage in legal proceedings.

    Recognizing Emotional Abuse in Divorce Cases

    Identifying emotional abuse in divorce cases can be challenging, especially if the abuse is subtle or masked by other issues.

    However, there are signs and patterns that may indicate the presence of emotional abuse, including:

    1. Frequent outbursts of anger or rage
    2. Manipulative behavior and guilt-tripping
    3. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness
    4. Withholding affection and emotional support
    5. Controlling finances and decision-making

    It's essential for someone who is experiencing emotional abuse to trust their instincts and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals.

    Additionally, consulting with a qualified divorce attorney who understands the dynamics of emotional abuse can provide valuable guidance and assistance.

    Addressing Emotional Abuse in New Jersey Divorce Proceedings

    In the state of New Jersey, emotional abuse is taken seriously in divorce proceedings.

    While emotional abuse itself may not be grounds for divorce, it can impact other aspects of the divorce process, such as child custody, alimony, and asset division.

    When emotional abuse is a factor in a divorce case, it's essential to gather evidence and documentation to support the claims of abuse.

    This may include emails, text messages, witness testimony, or reports from mental health professionals.

    Working with an experienced divorce attorney who is familiar with handling cases involving emotional abuse can help ensure that your rights are protected and that appropriate measures are taken to address the abuse.

    Seeking Support and Healing

    Divorce is never easy, especially when emotional abuse is involved.

    It's essential for a person who has experienced emotional abuse to seek support and resources to help her heal and rebuild her life. This may include therapy, support groups, or other forms of counseling.

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  7. Tracking Devices Are Illegal In NJ

    In today's digital age, technology plays an increasingly significant role in many aspects of our lives, including divorce proceedings.

    As a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I often encounter clients who inquire about the use of tracking devices to monitor their spouse's movements or activities during the divorce process.

    While it may seem like a tempting strategy to gather evidence or gain leverage, it's crucial for divorcing people in NJ to understand that using tracking devices can constitute a form of stalking and is illegal under New Jersey law.

    The use of tracking devices, such as GPS trackers or spyware installed on smartphones, to monitor another person's movements or activities without their consent is a violation of privacy rights.

    In New Jersey, stalking is defined as engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or the safety of others, or to suffer emotional distress.

    This includes tracking someone's location or monitoring their communications without their knowledge or consent.

    It's important for someone going through divorce proceedings to recognize that resorting to such invasive tactics can have serious legal consequences.

    Not only is the use of tracking devices unethical, but it can also lead to criminal charges and civil liability.

    In New Jersey, stalking is a criminal offense punishable by imprisonment and fines, and individuals found guilty may also be subject to restraining orders and other legal penalties.

    Moreover, evidence obtained through illegal means, such as the use of tracking devices, is likely to be inadmissible in court.

    Judges typically frown upon tactics that violate privacy rights and may exclude such evidence from consideration during divorce proceedings.

    This means that any information gathered through the use of tracking devices may not be used to support claims or arguments in court, undermining the credibility of the party who employed such methods.

    Instead of resorting to underhanded tactics like using tracking devices, someone who is involved in divorce proceedings should focus on pursuing legal avenues for obtaining relevant information and evidence.

    This may involve engaging the services of a qualified divorce lawyer who can assist in gathering evidence through lawful means, such as subpoenas, witness testimony, and financial records.

    Furthermore, it's essential for divorcing people to prioritize their emotional well-being during the divorce process and to refrain from engaging in behaviors that could exacerbate tensions or escalate conflicts.

    Using tracking devices not only violates the privacy and autonomy of the other party but also perpetuates a hostile and adversarial dynamic that can prolong the divorce process and inflict further emotional harm on all parties involved, including children.

    In conclusion, as a divorce lawyer in New Jersey, I strongly advise against the use of tracking devices as a means of gathering evidence or monitoring a spouse during divorce proceedings.

    Not only is it illegal and unethical, but it's also unlikely to yield favorable outcomes and may ultimately harm the individual employing such tactics.

    Instead, people going through divorce should focus on seeking legal guidance and pursuing fair and equitable resolutions through lawful means, with the assistance of a qualified divorce lawyer.

    By prioritizing integrity, respect, and adherence to the law, divorcing people in New Jersey can navigate the divorce process with dignity and integrity, ultimately achieving outcomes that serve their best interests and those of their families.

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  8. What is Joint Custody in Monmouth County NJ?

    I get asked all the time, "What is joint custody in NJ?

    What does it really mean in practical terms to me as someone who will be getting divorced here in Monmouth County?"

    Or "How do judges in the Monmouth County court house in Freehold tend to handle joint custody requests?"

    Well, I can tell you this: they take it very seriously.

    Last week I heard a judge yell at a lawyer for even using the word "visitation", saying "parents don't 'visit' with their children...they share parenting time."

    The bottom line is that in New Jersey, there are two broad types of custody.

    Physical custody deals with where the child lives, and legal custody deals with who makes major decisions for the child.

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    Topics: Child Custody, Co-parenting, family court

  9. NJ Child Custody

    When I began my career as a New Jersey Divorce Lawyer 37 years ago in 1987, moms almost always ended up with physical custody, the parents shared joint legal custody, and dads would usually have visitation every other weekend, plus Wednesday night for dinner.

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    Topics: Child Custody

  10. Parental Alienation in NJ

    Parental alienation is a complex and often emotionally charged issue that arises in many divorce and custody cases.

    It refers to the manipulation or programming of a child by one parent to denigrate, reject, or estrange the other parent.

    While it is widely acknowledged that parental alienation can have serious and detrimental effects on children and families, the concept remains controversial, and its diagnosis and treatment are subjects of debate within the legal and psychological communities.

    Dr. Richard Gardner, a prominent psychiatrist, introduced the term "Parental Alienation Syndrome" (PAS) in the 1980s to describe a specific constellation of behaviors exhibited by children who have been alienated from one parent.

    Gardner's work on PAS brought much-needed attention to the phenomenon of parental alienation and provided a framework for understanding and addressing it in legal and therapeutic settings.

    Advocates of Gardner's work point to several key contributions he made to the field.

    Firstly, he emphasized the importance of recognizing parental alienation as a form of emotional abuse, highlighting its potential long-term consequences for children's mental and emotional well-being.

    By identifying specific behaviors associated with PAS, such as the child's irrational hostility towards the targeted parent and the absence of legitimate reasons for this hostility, Gardner provided professionals with criteria for identifying and addressing cases of parental alienation.

    Furthermore, Gardner proposed interventions aimed at combating parental alienation, such as court-ordered reunification therapy and educational programs for both parents and children.

    These interventions, proponents argue, can help repair damaged parent-child relationships and mitigate the harmful effects of alienation on families.

    However, despite these contributions, Gardner's work and the concept of PAS have drawn criticism from some quarters.

    One major criticism is that PAS lacks scientific validity and reliability as a diagnostic entity.

    Critics argue that the criteria for diagnosing PAS are vague and subjective, making it susceptible to misuse in legal proceedings.

    Additionally, skeptics contend that PAS places undue emphasis on blaming one parent for the alienation, potentially overlooking the complex dynamics of high-conflict divorces and the role both parents may play in contributing to the alienation.

    Moreover, Gardner's views on the role of false allegations of abuse in custody disputes have been particularly controversial.

    He argued that in many cases, allegations of abuse by the alienated parent are fabricated as part of the alienating parent's strategy to alienate the child.

    Critics counter that this perspective may discourage genuine victims of abuse, especially children, from coming forward and receiving the protection and support they need.

    In conclusion, while there is widespread recognition that parental alienation is a real and harmful phenomenon, the legacy of Dr. Richard Gardner and his concept of Parental Alienation Syndrome remains contentious.

    While some praise Gardner for bringing attention to the issue and proposing interventions to address it, others criticize his work for its lack of scientific rigor and potential for misuse in legal settings.

    Moving forward, it is essential for professionals working in the fields of law, psychology, and family therapy to approach cases of parental alienation with sensitivity, objectivity, and a focus on the best interests of the children involved.

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